by Joy Strange

When you write about sex, it’s easy to assume you know who your audience is. But sex writing isn’t a safe genre when it comes to relying on your assumptions.

Let’s use the delicious photo on the left to illustrate the point a little.

In my mind, sex writers reading this blog are mostly women, so using this photo to appeal to my readers would seem to be a logical choice.

But assuming that all sex writers are hetero women is a bad thing to do. This photo would also appeal to gay erotica writes, or anybody who’s a regular reader of ThreePillows.com (which has an extensive bisexual erotic section in addition to its’ decidedly NOT safe for work front page.)

But that’s the obvious part of all this. Chances are you’re painfully aware of that part of the issue and don’t need a reminder. But what about non-fiction sex writing? As in sexual health and medical issues?

It’s so easy to forget about the partner when writing about sexual health issues. It’s one thing to write about why you should never use flavored lube–both parties can benefit from that one in a general way. But what about when writing about gender-specific health issues? Are you forgetting to throw in some advice to the partner when discussing prostate problems or uterine disorders?

People who write about impotence and lack of desire normally don’t miss the boat on this one, but if you’re talking about HPV or ovarian cysts and how these issues affect sex and sexuality, it’s important to throw a few lines out aimed at partners. Advice on how to be supportive, how to recognize symptoms or just what to do in case of (fill-in-the-blank) is just as important as the stuff you write aimed at your central audience for that article.

Hell, some articles should be devoted solely to partner issues!

Some sex writing doesn’t assume two (or more) people. But solo stuff aside, it’s best to keep the partner in mind in your non-fiction sex writing.

Posted in Sex Writing Career Advice, sex writing tips | 3 Comments »

SexWriter.info is pleased to introduce our newest writer, Eunice Rabinowitz, who is destined to be a regular contributor here. Welcome, Eunice!

by Eunice Rabinowitz

I thought that I would kick off my first post here at SexWriter.info by talking about sincerity because, fellow sex writers, sincerity is the most arousing tool in your sex writing arsenal.

In her most recent post, Joy Strange mentioned Steve Almond’s article Writing Sex. She felt that he was a little off-base with some of his advice and frankly, I’d have to agree.

As Joy mentioned, Mr. Almond advises that sex writers should never have characters say things like, “Deeper, harder, deeper.” As I reviewed that line, I had an odd sense of déjà vu overtake me and I tried to remember if I had recently read this line in a book or if it was something I myself screamed while in the throes of lubricant-assisted, over-60 sex.

In the interest of scientific sex writing research, I promptly ran into my husband Hal’s office and demanded sex. As it turns out, I do yell this phrase while writhing under my sexy water buffalo of a husband. Not wishing to be just another cliché, I quickly grabbed a sheet of paper and started writing down some other “lines” I could substitute for “Deeper, harder, deeper” that contained the same important directions. Here are some I came up with:

“I should like it if you jammed your dick further inside of me and with the same force you would use to slam a door.”

“Please, sir, pretend you must vanquish an enemy far inside my p**sy and the blade of your dick is ever so dull.”

“Shove it, more so, with meaning this time!”

No, no, no, and no. These would never work for Hal and I–and they won’t work in that story you are writing. Why? Because they are not sincere. Above all else, when you are writing sex fiction, you must write with sincerity or you will lose your audience, just as my husband would lose his hard on if I said anything more complicated than, “Deeper, harder, deeper.”

When you gunk up the works of your sex novel, erotica, or dirty short story with insincere phrases and unbelievable dialogue it loses its ability to titillate. Now, there are different approaches you need to take depending on your reader. If you are writing for men, short, sweet and dirty are perfect. When writing for women, teasing, flirty, romantic (think slow burn) are important. But right around the point of climax, everyone can identify with a, “Deeper, harder, deeper.”

Mr. Almond is on to something when he goes further to mention the non-sexy aspects of sex-talk. That little, “I have a cramp” sentence is something that even the least adventurous of us has probably muttered. It is sincere and relatable and, done correctly, does not have to take you out of the moment.

So remember, fellow sex writers, keep it sincere and you keep it sexy.

May your areolas remain hairless,

Euni

Posted in sex writing tips | 3 Comments »

by Joy Strange

While searching for sex writing resources to pass along, I uncovered an interesting article on sex writing by Steve Almond published at The Phoenix.com.

I like Steve’s approach, but I don’t exactly see eye to eye with him on some of his points. I do agree that my nipples should never be referred to as Frankenstein’s Bolts (good lord!) or cherry pits, but some of his other advice doesn’t quite make it for me.

While his article is entertaining and fun to read, his advice about never having a character say “Give it to me, big boy” or “Deeper, harder, deeper.” To be fair, Steve Almond says people don’t say these things to him. But sometimes in the heat of the moment, darling Steve, people do like to have it a bit rougher and the aforementioned cliches–trite as they are–do come out of ones mouth.

I’d say it’s more realistic to let a character say that in your story if you can do it with a wink and a nod.

“She stroked his ego with one of the more obvious cliches, but when ‘Give it to me, big boy’ came out of her mouth, it was with her teeth gently sunk into his earlobe. He didn’t mind the corny line with a delivery like that.”

Not bad for a first draft line, eh?

All in all, though, Almond’s article does have something very important going for it–he takes pains to advise his readers to put themselves in the other person’s shoes during sex. It’s true that most women don’t have hair-trigger orgasms, and for a man to respect that when writing erotica is a damn fine thing indeed.

Though I do wish Almond would make a distinction between erotica and porn. Maybe that’s my damage.

Posted in sex writing tips | 4 Comments »

by Joy Strange

For my money, there are two basic types of nonfiction sex writing for the newcomer; the first-person essay and sexual health writing. I point out these two as “go-to” topics for new sex writers because they are the most easily accessible.

First person sex writing doesn’t require any research, and sexual health research material is plentiful–you can find thousands of sex experts to do interviews with and get authoritative quotes from.

You don’t have to be a newcomer to writing in general to be intimidated by first-person sex topics. It’s not easy to get over the shy factor of writing candidly about sex–especially your own experiences. You are quite literally taking off your clothes for the world to see–even if there aren’t any pictures.

If you find it difficult to write first-person sex essays or creative non-fiction, you do have some alternatives. One is to write these pieces under a psuedonym and accept the fact that if your writing takes off, you won’t be getting credit for the work under your regular name (unless you out yourself later as the writer behind the pen name.)

Another way to go is to write under your own name, but write the creative non-fiction as an observer. Take some creative license with the narrative and write as though you’re talking about a friend. One warning about this approach–always write a caveat in the beginning of your piece saying that some names and events have been altered to protect the privacy of those involved. Do that and you’re off the hook.

Of course, you can always simply cry, “Damn the torpedoes!” and publish your experiences under your own name, but do so only after some careful deliberation. Be fully aware of the potential consequences of your writing and make a fully thought-out decision. Don’t underestimate the power of your writing to affect your life for good or ill. Sex writing is often a controversial niche…don’t assume your work won’t be read by friends, co-workers, ex lovers, parents, etc.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be brave and publish, it just means you should think about it first.

Posted in Sex Writing Career Advice, sex writing tips | 1 Comment »

by Joy Strange

I’m really enjoying the Best Sex Writing 2009 blog by Rachel Kramer Bussel, but I wish there were more recent entries. The one that caught my eye  (ok, my Google search) was the most recent entry, all about the slow sex movement in San Francisco. Interesting.

Sex positivity seems to be one of the central themes in this blog, and it got me dwelling on the idea that there’s a long way to go in this department. As a society, Americans are still so hung up on sex…some would say it’s like the 60s never happened.

But what WAS the 60s free love movement, anyway? It sounds like an idealist concept, but if you watch any of the documentaries on the era, you find that free love wasn’t as free as the hippie stererotypes imply. Even in the “peace and love” 60s, there was much to be scared of. Flower-power shelters and free clinics had to issue constant warnings about rape, STDs, and contraception. Like anything else, once you get past surface impressions, it’s a whole ‘nother reality.

Rachel K. Bussel’s blog is a good reminder that there’s a way to go with sex-positive thinking. In my view, as long as we have right-wing windbags trying to convince us that nudity equals pornography and that sexual imagery is somehow wrong and dirty (and that all those explosions and gun battles AREN’T), we’ve got an uphill run of it. But the SPs (sex-positives) do offer some hope. Thanks, Rachel, for some food for thought.

P.S. I love this sexy photo of Rachel posted on her blog, taken by Stacey Joy.

Posted in Sex Writing Blogs | 3 Comments »

New sex writers sometimes struggle with establishing their identity as a sex writer. Some come to the sex writing business as new writers, others come from writing backgrounds and have experience writing queries, setting up resume websites, and playing the freelance writing game.

Those with writing experience understand that sex writing, erotica and related topics are niche writing fields. Niche writing is lucrative as long as the niche has a demand, but it’s tricky business to learn the ropes in a new market, and sex writing can be one of the most difficult thanks in part to lots of preconceived ideas about what this market is all about. Experienced writers have the advantage–they’ve seen other niche markets and know how to play the game in a general way. That’s a damn fine start, if you ask me.

New writers typically make similar mistakes when trying to establish an identity as a sex writer. Are you doing any of these?

Pretending to be something you’re not–if you don’t have the published clips to back up your claims, don’t pass yourself off as a magazine writer, sex blogger, or erotica author.
It’s one thing to say that you WRITE, it’s another to misrepresent yourself as being PUBLISHED. You’re trying to get your foot in the door and it’s understandable why you might think it’s OK, but trust me, it can come back to haunt you later.

Over-generalization–sex writing is a huge topic. Are you a sex toy and DVD reviewer or a sexual health writer? You CAN cover these topics, but when you’re new, try to pick a narrower range to cover and market yourself in that particular area. Don’t try to do everything all at once, especially if you’re new to the topic you want to cover. Never reviewed an adult DVD before?

Try doing some of that kind of writing in volume first, get yourself established as someone who does that kind of work reliably and well, then move on to another part of the niche you want to fill.

Dispensing advice before you’re qualified–don’t give people advice about how to become wildly successful sex writers when you yourself aren’t wildly successful. It doesn’t have the ring of authenticity. You don’t have to be a highly paid sex writer to dispense advice about writing, but you do have to know a lot about WRITING.

If you aren’t experienced as a successful sales person, don’t tell other people how to be successful in sales. In short, you can dispense advice you’re QUALIFIED TO GIVE. But people with experience can read your work and tell you aren’t ready to hand out advice when you’re faking it.

Presenting your sex writer identity in the same place as your other writing services--don’t muddy the waters by setting up a resume page that advertises you as a sex writer, a childcare expert, a medical writer and a business correspondent. The people who come to your resume page looking for a business writer will be turned off by your sex writing work, and so will anybody else coming to your site not specifically looking for sex writing skill.

It’s not necessarily about the SEX part–it’s more about a the perception you create about your skill sets. Sell your individual skills, yes…but sell them INDIVIDUALLY where it makes good sense to do so. If a finance editor wants your finance expertise, she doesn’t care about your parenting blog.

Take these to heart, new sex writers, and you will go a lot farther in the early stages of your new career.

Posted in Sex Writing Career Advice | 2 Comments »

Sex writers have precious few resources specifically for them. Unlike other freelance writing niches, sex writing is quite under-served.

There’s a lot of amateurish crap out there aimed at the sex writer, some of it is embarrassingly bad. I saw one page advertising “Writers resources for the hungrey writer.”

We write about sex, we’re professional writers, and we’d like a collection of resources to draw on for jobs, career support, tax advice and all the other typical writing concerns.

Let’s not waste time listing (and making fun of) the bad stuff. Instead, here’s the first in a series of resources you can use to help grow your career as a sex writer, erotica author, or blogger. And please feel free to suggest your own resource lists and links. We’d be happy to share.

The Erotica Readers and Writers Association has been at it since 1996. Can’t say enough good about ‘em for as a resource for beginning erotica writers, but we don’t endorse the writer’s market guidebooks they link to. Better to get the info online than from a hard copy book.

Loving this article on Debunking the Myths of Erotica Writers at AuthorScene.

The Erotic Authors Association site is old, and painfully web 1.0 but the articles there are of definite use to the new erotica writer.

AbsoluteWrite is a fantastic resource for any beginning writer, but the Sex Writer 101 post is a great way to get introduced.

Posted in Sex Writer Markets | 2 Comments »

Conflicting Desires: Notes on the Craft of Writing Erotic Stories by Han Li Thorn is the real deal. This book covers a lot of interesting ground and is perfect for newcomers to erotica writing. Do you know how to convey plot information without resorting to cliches and overblown sex imagery? How do you communicate the heat and passion of the sexual moment without coming off like bad porn?

Any book on how to write erotic stories that references Joseph Campbell and Bret Easton Ellis is definitely coming from a different place than your average “write sexy” how-to.

I’d advise anybody who wants to learn more about writing erotic stories to pick up Conflicting Desires. This is money well spent.

Some might complain that the tone is a bit scholarly for an erotica book, but trust me, you need the information in these pages if you want to break into erotica. The art of writing ANY story involves these mechanics, but Thorn does take the time to address specific situations, character types and other issues common to erotic fiction.

Posted in erotica books | 1 Comment »

by Joy Strange

If you want to learn how to write and sell erotica, you’ll find plenty of books out there to help you do it. It’s the same for any kind of freelance writing job–somebody has already written a book claiming to give you the insider secrets to getting your sexy writing sold.

I’ve always had a big problem with printed books claiming to sell you writer’s market listings because by the time you get to them, so many of those listings are already out of date; the editors have quit or gotten fired, some publications go out of business, or change to a different kind of erotica audience.

If you want to buy a collection of erotica writer’s markets, do it online at the very least. You stand a better chance of getting up-to-date info than from a hard copy book that was printed a year or so ago.

Do you need to buy books that teach you how to be an erotica writer? In some cases yes, but when it comes to finding places to sell your sexy fiction or erotic essays, don’t waste your money buying a book that will be out of date soon anyway. I love online resources like the Adult Markets section of Ralan.com, and I stalk my erotica/sex writing markets the old-fashioned way…track them down, study them carefully, and send them the best steamy stuff possible.

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by Joy Strange

When I tell people that I not only write about sex, the first thing they want to know is how I got started. That’s pretty simple–I just started writing about it.

I can hear the groans now, but that really is the best way to get your career writing about sex going. You wouldn’t believe how bad my first writing was, sex related or not. Took a long time to get my own style and work the newbie out of my pages.

Writing about sex isn’t easy–to start you have way too many choice to make. Are you a nonfiction writer? Do you write erotica? Are you more into being a writer on sexual health and sexuality as opposed to doing sex writing to turn people on? All the above?

Writing sex stories is a skill all on its’ own. Writing about sexual health, women’s issues and reproduction means getting an education and knowing what you’re talking about. Can’t just start throwing facts around. One of my favorite sex writers is Violet Blue.  Simple reason–she is really passionate about letting people know about unsafe sex toys and practices.

You don’t have to write fiction or informational sex articles. Some sex writers are movie reviewers, some are into reviewing toys, others do travel writing and journalism. There’s a great big rainbow of topics out there. Being a sex writer means picking a direction and creating your niche as a writer just like any other writing career.

If you want to get started writing about sex, the first thing you should do is pick one of these approaches and start writing out some story ideas. Pick an idea, develop it, and write a first draft. Then put the first draft away and work on something else. Tomorrow, take out that first draft and re-write it. NOW you’re on your way. I’ll tell you how to sell that work soon.

I have many more parts to this blog post planned…it’s a topic too vast to cover in just one. Keep reading, love, next time I have some concrete advice for you on how to write good sex and what to do once your story is done.

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