by Joy Strange

Here’s a story I haven’t heard anything about on NPR; Good Vibes, the legendary pro-sex and pro-woman sex toy outlet has been sold to a “mainstream porn” group. That according to Violet Blue’s blog, which links to an SF Chronicle article by Phil Bronstein reporting the sale (which actually happened in 2007)  and the differences of opinion regarding changes in attitude and quality of the chain overall since it changed hands.

Is Good Vibes still a shop for women? Is it shifting to a more degraded sleaze-bag porn store mentality? You be the judge.

Regardless of how you feel about the sale of Good Vibes itself, what impresses me here is the quality of the reportage. This story is treated well, it’s given a fair and balanced treatment, and there are actual human feelings evident. That’s something that wouldn’t be possible in the hands of a lesser writer, smirking about a sex toy shop controversy.

Aspiring sex writers, read and take notes. This is one to aspire to.

Posted in Sex Writing Blogs, sex writing tips | 72 Comments »

Let’s face it, it’s much easier to write positively or sexily about a position, toy or fetish that you enjoy than one you don’t. Whether you like or dislike that Dirty Sanchez you have to write about, you need to find a way to make it sexy. Here are a couple of tips:

1. Write about something similar that you do find sexy. Once you are done, change the position, fetish or toy you wrote about to the one you’ve been asked to write about. Make sure all the information is accurate and realistic.

2. Get turned on by the fact that your audience will be turned on. Okay, so you aren’t writing about something that turns you on–you are still going to get your readers turned on and that, my dears, is a turn on. Focus on the joy you bring and it makes it easier to write.

3. Explore the psychology or physiology behind the subject. If you have a better understanding of why your audience gets turned on by or enjoys this particular subject, you will have an easier time writing about it.You can do this by researching online or visiting online groups dedicated to the subject you are writing about.

4. Refer the gig to another sex writer. If you really can’t get past your hang-ups, send the work to a writer who can.

May your writing never pre-maturly ejaculate,

Euni

Posted in sex writing tips | 51 Comments »

by Joy Strange

I highly recommend Louisa Barton’s FictionCraft post at the Erotica Readers and Writers Association. It’s part of their Author’s Insider Tips series which is archived all the way back to 2006!

I just re-discovered the Bi Writers Association, which is chock full of excellent links and even more resources for erotica writers. They also have a collection of suggested book titles including the naughty-sounding Jesus In Love, The Best of Both Worlds bi erotica compilation, and Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass.

Desdmona.com has a section called The Fish Tank which is a writer’s group for, you guessed it, erotica writers. I haven’t participated in this so I can’t say whether the forum is any good, but I’d love some feedback from anyone who has used it…if this is a valuable resource I’d love to do a profile or interview with these folks!

Non-fiction sex writers might want to give HisandHerHealth.com’s sexual health forums a look. Seems like a great place to network with subject matter experts and ordinary people alike. There’s at least one actual doctor as a forum moderator here, so it could be a gold mine for research or networking at the very least.

Posted in Sex Writer Markets, Sex Writing Career Advice, sex writing tips | 2 Comments »

by Joy Strange

On the heels of yesterday’s post by Euni R. I wanted to throw my own sexy two cents in here. I had a conversation with an anonymous someone who said her friends were giving her a very hard time about writing sex-related topics.

To which I said, “What, you cheapen yourself by writing about HPV and reproductive health?”

Sex writing is not all about erotica. And while we’re on the subject, there’s nothing wrong with writing erotica either, but it really irks me that people associate sex writing solely with the steamy stuff.

Sex writing as a genre is much, much bigger than that. Erotica has a long, rich history and if the kinds of prudes who judge you for your erotica writing actually knew their history, they’d soon learn that most, if not all the major advances in freedom of speech were the result of controversy over “indecent material” and “harmful matter”.

Fact—once upon a time it was illegal to send dirty books through the mail. Amazon.com would not have survived in the 1920s, for example, because you couldn’t mail Lady Chatterley’s Lover. You also couldn’t mail Burroughs’s Naked Lunch until after the landmark court case vindicating Burroughs as a legitimate writer and not a purveyor of “obscenity”.

But that gets away from the main point. Erotica does threaten many people for reasons I’ll never fully understand. People are scared of sex because it’s a powerful force not entirely controlled by free will–our hormones and our evolutionary programming create a set of parameters where folks automatically respond to some sexual stimuli. What sex stimulation gives you those responses varies a lot from person to person, but fact is, we have PROGRAMMING in there making us salivate and get all excited when the right conditions are present.

We’ll always have some kind of shame attached to our sex writing until this society we live in stops being so repressed.

Posted in sex writing tips | 2 Comments »

by Joy Strange

Writing about sex is only half the battle–the other half is getting an editor to buy your work and publish it. This process is a lot like hooking up at a singles bar, you have to woo your editor and play the game.

Step One: Don’t spin your wheels. It’s a bad idea to write non-fiction before you’ve made the sale, unless you’re writing creative non-fiction. Query the publication first with articles, then write. You’ll save LOADS of time. For fiction, I recommend having a publication or at least a group of them (the ones friendly to the genre you’re writing) in mind before you start telling your story. At least you’ll have a general idea of where to sell the piece.

Step Two: Write a query letter. Tell the editor about your story–but make sure you SELL it. Don’t go overboard on the descriptions, just explain what it is, why it’s unique and why it’s important to the readers. Don’t worry about the query being too long or too short–make your pitch and go with what feels right.

Step Three: Be sure to include some relevant published clips you’ve got under your belt as a sex writer. If you don’t have any, try sending your strongest writing or consider not sending any at all unless the editor asks for them.

Step Four: Include your contact information. You’d be shocked at how many people forget in the excitement of the query writing process (at least in the early days) to include a phone number, resume website address, etc.

Step Five: Follow up. Some editors will get back with you in two hours, some will get back with you in six months. It all depends on the site or magazine. Don’t be surprised if you get e-mails out of the blue about queries you forgot about months ago. It’s part of the game.

This is a very oversimplified explanation of the process. We’ll get into some good sex writing nitty gritty in the weeks to come.

Posted in sex writing tips | 2 Comments »

Lately, fellow sex writers, I have been subjected to a horror so profound that it has shaken me to my very core. A horror so pervasive it seems to be saturating every online sex site I touch. It is the horror of terrible sex writers who don’t seem to have had sex very often.

As most of you know, being a sex writer is not about trying to use words that are not appropriate at most cocktail parties in an effort to shock your parents. It seems that many new writers don’t understand that.

They string together words they aren’t allowed to use in public into a nonsensical sex scene that defies logic, physics and, quite frankly, reader arousal. As a reader, if I spend too much time distracted by your inexperienced and sloppy sex scenes I don’t get wet, I get confused.

Add to this the amount of sex writers who have no way with words, no finesse, and a piss-poor understanding of the mechanics of writing, and you are left with nothing more than the pre-teen ravings of a foul-mouthed child.

If you want to be a successful sex writer who is respected rather than repulsive, you must see this as a craft like you would any other writing. Sure it is a casual-tongued craft with fun subject matter–but it is still a craft. You have to understand what works during sex and what doesn’t. What makes sense in a scene and what doesn’t. You must construct your stories and essays with an intent to provide joy–arousing, smoldering, exciting, educational, satisfying joy–not just to show off how many different slang sex terms you know, because the rest of us know them too–and we are not impressed.

May your areolas remain hairless,

Euni

Posted in sex writing tips | 5 Comments »

by Joy Strange

When you write about sex, it’s easy to assume you know who your audience is. But sex writing isn’t a safe genre when it comes to relying on your assumptions.

Let’s use the delicious photo on the left to illustrate the point a little.

In my mind, sex writers reading this blog are mostly women, so using this photo to appeal to my readers would seem to be a logical choice.

But assuming that all sex writers are hetero women is a bad thing to do. This photo would also appeal to gay erotica writes, or anybody who’s a regular reader of ThreePillows.com (which has an extensive bisexual erotic section in addition to its’ decidedly NOT safe for work front page.)

But that’s the obvious part of all this. Chances are you’re painfully aware of that part of the issue and don’t need a reminder. But what about non-fiction sex writing? As in sexual health and medical issues?

It’s so easy to forget about the partner when writing about sexual health issues. It’s one thing to write about why you should never use flavored lube–both parties can benefit from that one in a general way. But what about when writing about gender-specific health issues? Are you forgetting to throw in some advice to the partner when discussing prostate problems or uterine disorders?

People who write about impotence and lack of desire normally don’t miss the boat on this one, but if you’re talking about HPV or ovarian cysts and how these issues affect sex and sexuality, it’s important to throw a few lines out aimed at partners. Advice on how to be supportive, how to recognize symptoms or just what to do in case of (fill-in-the-blank) is just as important as the stuff you write aimed at your central audience for that article.

Hell, some articles should be devoted solely to partner issues!

Some sex writing doesn’t assume two (or more) people. But solo stuff aside, it’s best to keep the partner in mind in your non-fiction sex writing.

Posted in Sex Writing Career Advice, sex writing tips | 3 Comments »

SexWriter.info is pleased to introduce our newest writer, Eunice Rabinowitz, who is destined to be a regular contributor here. Welcome, Eunice!

by Eunice Rabinowitz

I thought that I would kick off my first post here at SexWriter.info by talking about sincerity because, fellow sex writers, sincerity is the most arousing tool in your sex writing arsenal.

In her most recent post, Joy Strange mentioned Steve Almond’s article Writing Sex. She felt that he was a little off-base with some of his advice and frankly, I’d have to agree.

As Joy mentioned, Mr. Almond advises that sex writers should never have characters say things like, “Deeper, harder, deeper.” As I reviewed that line, I had an odd sense of déjà vu overtake me and I tried to remember if I had recently read this line in a book or if it was something I myself screamed while in the throes of lubricant-assisted, over-60 sex.

In the interest of scientific sex writing research, I promptly ran into my husband Hal’s office and demanded sex. As it turns out, I do yell this phrase while writhing under my sexy water buffalo of a husband. Not wishing to be just another cliché, I quickly grabbed a sheet of paper and started writing down some other “lines” I could substitute for “Deeper, harder, deeper” that contained the same important directions. Here are some I came up with:

“I should like it if you jammed your dick further inside of me and with the same force you would use to slam a door.”

“Please, sir, pretend you must vanquish an enemy far inside my p**sy and the blade of your dick is ever so dull.”

“Shove it, more so, with meaning this time!”

No, no, no, and no. These would never work for Hal and I–and they won’t work in that story you are writing. Why? Because they are not sincere. Above all else, when you are writing sex fiction, you must write with sincerity or you will lose your audience, just as my husband would lose his hard on if I said anything more complicated than, “Deeper, harder, deeper.”

When you gunk up the works of your sex novel, erotica, or dirty short story with insincere phrases and unbelievable dialogue it loses its ability to titillate. Now, there are different approaches you need to take depending on your reader. If you are writing for men, short, sweet and dirty are perfect. When writing for women, teasing, flirty, romantic (think slow burn) are important. But right around the point of climax, everyone can identify with a, “Deeper, harder, deeper.”

Mr. Almond is on to something when he goes further to mention the non-sexy aspects of sex-talk. That little, “I have a cramp” sentence is something that even the least adventurous of us has probably muttered. It is sincere and relatable and, done correctly, does not have to take you out of the moment.

So remember, fellow sex writers, keep it sincere and you keep it sexy.

May your areolas remain hairless,

Euni

Posted in sex writing tips | 3 Comments »

by Joy Strange

While searching for sex writing resources to pass along, I uncovered an interesting article on sex writing by Steve Almond published at The Phoenix.com.

I like Steve’s approach, but I don’t exactly see eye to eye with him on some of his points. I do agree that my nipples should never be referred to as Frankenstein’s Bolts (good lord!) or cherry pits, but some of his other advice doesn’t quite make it for me.

While his article is entertaining and fun to read, his advice about never having a character say “Give it to me, big boy” or “Deeper, harder, deeper.” To be fair, Steve Almond says people don’t say these things to him. But sometimes in the heat of the moment, darling Steve, people do like to have it a bit rougher and the aforementioned cliches–trite as they are–do come out of ones mouth.

I’d say it’s more realistic to let a character say that in your story if you can do it with a wink and a nod.

“She stroked his ego with one of the more obvious cliches, but when ‘Give it to me, big boy’ came out of her mouth, it was with her teeth gently sunk into his earlobe. He didn’t mind the corny line with a delivery like that.”

Not bad for a first draft line, eh?

All in all, though, Almond’s article does have something very important going for it–he takes pains to advise his readers to put themselves in the other person’s shoes during sex. It’s true that most women don’t have hair-trigger orgasms, and for a man to respect that when writing erotica is a damn fine thing indeed.

Though I do wish Almond would make a distinction between erotica and porn. Maybe that’s my damage.

Posted in sex writing tips | 4 Comments »

by Joy Strange

For my money, there are two basic types of nonfiction sex writing for the newcomer; the first-person essay and sexual health writing. I point out these two as “go-to” topics for new sex writers because they are the most easily accessible.

First person sex writing doesn’t require any research, and sexual health research material is plentiful–you can find thousands of sex experts to do interviews with and get authoritative quotes from.

You don’t have to be a newcomer to writing in general to be intimidated by first-person sex topics. It’s not easy to get over the shy factor of writing candidly about sex–especially your own experiences. You are quite literally taking off your clothes for the world to see–even if there aren’t any pictures.

If you find it difficult to write first-person sex essays or creative non-fiction, you do have some alternatives. One is to write these pieces under a psuedonym and accept the fact that if your writing takes off, you won’t be getting credit for the work under your regular name (unless you out yourself later as the writer behind the pen name.)

Another way to go is to write under your own name, but write the creative non-fiction as an observer. Take some creative license with the narrative and write as though you’re talking about a friend. One warning about this approach–always write a caveat in the beginning of your piece saying that some names and events have been altered to protect the privacy of those involved. Do that and you’re off the hook.

Of course, you can always simply cry, “Damn the torpedoes!” and publish your experiences under your own name, but do so only after some careful deliberation. Be fully aware of the potential consequences of your writing and make a fully thought-out decision. Don’t underestimate the power of your writing to affect your life for good or ill. Sex writing is often a controversial niche…don’t assume your work won’t be read by friends, co-workers, ex lovers, parents, etc.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be brave and publish, it just means you should think about it first.

Posted in Sex Writing Career Advice, sex writing tips | 1 Comment »